Madison, when I saw you on Thursday night, you were sitting up so well. I got down on the floor with you, and you looked at me with your big beautiful eyes and smiled. And then you leaned forward into me, and gave me something of an accidental kiss on the cheek! Then you leaned back, looked at me, your eyes got even wider, and then you leaned forward again, this time on purpose, and gave me ANOTHER kiss!
You did this one more time (now easy to see that it was on purpose) and your mom was laughing and I was nearly in tears. My first kiss from my beautiful daughter when you are only 6 months old.
You are amazing, and I can't wait to see the woman that you grow up to be.
I love you - all of you,
-Dad
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Big Boy Poops!
Your mom just texted me a picture of your first big boy poop!
Her text read, "Success!!!! Just did his first big boy poop in his potty. He peed on me as he went, but small steps, right?"
I'll spare you the picture on the blog post, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you, K-Dog, and your mom and sister Scooch, too!
Way to go!
-Dad
Her text read, "Success!!!! Just did his first big boy poop in his potty. He peed on me as he went, but small steps, right?"
I'll spare you the picture on the blog post, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you, K-Dog, and your mom and sister Scooch, too!
Way to go!
-Dad
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Pinwheels!!!
My Dearest Kellan & Madison,
Your mother and I love you both so very much. You were both so happy and smiling and I was so glad to see you and play with you today.
Today is a hot day, toward the end of June. Last Thursday was the first time I had seen either of you in two months, and we played at the park that evening. It was a beautiful night with a cool breeze, and lots of shade, and Kellan and I ran and ran and played on the jungle gyms, slides and swings. Today, I came to the house at noon, and it was too hot to go outside or to the park, so we played inside in the cool air conditioning.
Madison, you are six months old, and today you showed me how you can scoot backwards in your walker. You are getting really good at it! Today, as you and I were playing, I saw you reach out for Kellan's stuffed Peter Pan doll, so I handed him to you, and your eyes lit up as you grasped him. You are such a good girl, and you are so beautiful. Your red hair and blue eyes are striking, and your stomach muscles are super-strong - you are able to sit up really well, while other babies your age can't really do it that well. You watch your brother closely, and seem to be learning from his every move.
Kellan, you are two years old and two months, and today we ran and ran and played in the house. You are working on getting over your limp from breaking your leg, and are doing so much better than you did even on Thursday at the park! You're still a little unsteady, and you tripped and fell once as we were playing, but you brushed it off like nothing happened, and we kept on going! I chased you around the kitchen island with your two pinwheels - a game that you love, and you giggle and smile and laugh as we play. I have been out of town and have waited for two months to chase you with the pinwheels, and today I finally got my wish. I built up a sweat (even in the air conditioning) while you were completely unfazed by the exercise, but it was my absolute dream come true to be in our home and play with you and your sister. The picture I have in my memory of your bright smile and laughter as we played is better than anything that could be captured by a camera.
Things right now are tough for your mom and I. I don't know how old you'll be when you read this, but I want to write down what's going on right now to help you understand what life was like for your mom and me as you were growing up. (At least, during the time before you started to make your own memories.) I don't know how all of this is going to turn out with your mom and me. I really, really, really hope that we are not separated or divorced when you read this. I love your mother very much, and I want us to to stay together and be happy. I do have to learn how to manage my emotions better to be a better husband and a better father (and just to be a better man!) and I hope your mother can see how hard I am trying. I have been going to therapy twice a week for the last two months, and I have two therapy sessions set up for this week, and have called about all of the anger management classes on the list I was given. I've even set up an office space where I can go to work so that I won't be at the house anymore during the day, which means I can spend better quality time with all three of you when work is over.
So, right now, we are in a serious situation. I haven't been able to see you for the last two months because of an agreement that I made with your mom. I promised I would stay in Tulsa, Oklahoma, (where I work for one week out of the month, usually, and the rest of the time I have been working from home.) Two weeks after it happened, we found out that Kellan had broken his leg. The doctor who examined Kellan, called the break "suspicious" and a government agency called CPS ("Child Protective Services") was notified.
Because of the way that I have acted in the past around your mom, and the heated arguments that we've had, your mom was scared that I may have hurt you, Kellan. She knows that I love you, but she thought that in a moment of anger, I somehow had broken your leg. In fact, two days before you started limping, I had put you into your car seat more roughly and forcefully than I should have, and I felt terrible about it when it happened. I wasn't angry - you were just upset and made your body rigid in protest of going into the car seat. I put my hands to your hips and got you to sit down and buckled you in, but in hindsight, I should have tickled you to get you to sit down. Anyway, when we found out that your leg was broken, I pointed the finger at myself as the possible reason and wondered if somehow, putting you in the car seat that day had broken your leg.
Your mother loves you both. She loves you so much that I think all she was thinking at the time was to protect the two of you, and that nothing else mattered. I stayed in Tulsa when I should have come home. Being there gave me time to work on myself and go to therapy, but it did nothing to reassure your mother that the two of you would be safe with me.
The details of what have happened in the last two months are for another post, maybe. If your mom and I are no longer together when you read this, I know you're probably going to want to know every last detail to understand how and why it happened. But hopefully, in the long run, it won't matter. You'll just know that when you were 2 years old and 6 months old, your mom and dad had a rough spot that they were able to get over. But even if we aren't together, you both need to know that none of this is your fault. I haven't handled myself in the most adult way, or been good at managing my emotions, disruptions, and anger. Your mom made her decisions to protect the two of you, and I truly believe that. So right now, I have to do everything that I can to show your mom that we can be a family again, and that she doesn't have to worry about the two of you being safe with me.
I love you both so much. I love your mom, too. I wish I could be at the park with the two of you right now. I so wish it. It's a beautiful night, and I cannot wait for the next time I can hold you both in my arms and kiss your foreheads.
- Dad
Your mother and I love you both so very much. You were both so happy and smiling and I was so glad to see you and play with you today.
Today is a hot day, toward the end of June. Last Thursday was the first time I had seen either of you in two months, and we played at the park that evening. It was a beautiful night with a cool breeze, and lots of shade, and Kellan and I ran and ran and played on the jungle gyms, slides and swings. Today, I came to the house at noon, and it was too hot to go outside or to the park, so we played inside in the cool air conditioning.
Madison, you are six months old, and today you showed me how you can scoot backwards in your walker. You are getting really good at it! Today, as you and I were playing, I saw you reach out for Kellan's stuffed Peter Pan doll, so I handed him to you, and your eyes lit up as you grasped him. You are such a good girl, and you are so beautiful. Your red hair and blue eyes are striking, and your stomach muscles are super-strong - you are able to sit up really well, while other babies your age can't really do it that well. You watch your brother closely, and seem to be learning from his every move.
Kellan, you are two years old and two months, and today we ran and ran and played in the house. You are working on getting over your limp from breaking your leg, and are doing so much better than you did even on Thursday at the park! You're still a little unsteady, and you tripped and fell once as we were playing, but you brushed it off like nothing happened, and we kept on going! I chased you around the kitchen island with your two pinwheels - a game that you love, and you giggle and smile and laugh as we play. I have been out of town and have waited for two months to chase you with the pinwheels, and today I finally got my wish. I built up a sweat (even in the air conditioning) while you were completely unfazed by the exercise, but it was my absolute dream come true to be in our home and play with you and your sister. The picture I have in my memory of your bright smile and laughter as we played is better than anything that could be captured by a camera.
Things right now are tough for your mom and I. I don't know how old you'll be when you read this, but I want to write down what's going on right now to help you understand what life was like for your mom and me as you were growing up. (At least, during the time before you started to make your own memories.) I don't know how all of this is going to turn out with your mom and me. I really, really, really hope that we are not separated or divorced when you read this. I love your mother very much, and I want us to to stay together and be happy. I do have to learn how to manage my emotions better to be a better husband and a better father (and just to be a better man!) and I hope your mother can see how hard I am trying. I have been going to therapy twice a week for the last two months, and I have two therapy sessions set up for this week, and have called about all of the anger management classes on the list I was given. I've even set up an office space where I can go to work so that I won't be at the house anymore during the day, which means I can spend better quality time with all three of you when work is over.
So, right now, we are in a serious situation. I haven't been able to see you for the last two months because of an agreement that I made with your mom. I promised I would stay in Tulsa, Oklahoma, (where I work for one week out of the month, usually, and the rest of the time I have been working from home.) Two weeks after it happened, we found out that Kellan had broken his leg. The doctor who examined Kellan, called the break "suspicious" and a government agency called CPS ("Child Protective Services") was notified.
Because of the way that I have acted in the past around your mom, and the heated arguments that we've had, your mom was scared that I may have hurt you, Kellan. She knows that I love you, but she thought that in a moment of anger, I somehow had broken your leg. In fact, two days before you started limping, I had put you into your car seat more roughly and forcefully than I should have, and I felt terrible about it when it happened. I wasn't angry - you were just upset and made your body rigid in protest of going into the car seat. I put my hands to your hips and got you to sit down and buckled you in, but in hindsight, I should have tickled you to get you to sit down. Anyway, when we found out that your leg was broken, I pointed the finger at myself as the possible reason and wondered if somehow, putting you in the car seat that day had broken your leg.
Your mother loves you both. She loves you so much that I think all she was thinking at the time was to protect the two of you, and that nothing else mattered. I stayed in Tulsa when I should have come home. Being there gave me time to work on myself and go to therapy, but it did nothing to reassure your mother that the two of you would be safe with me.
The details of what have happened in the last two months are for another post, maybe. If your mom and I are no longer together when you read this, I know you're probably going to want to know every last detail to understand how and why it happened. But hopefully, in the long run, it won't matter. You'll just know that when you were 2 years old and 6 months old, your mom and dad had a rough spot that they were able to get over. But even if we aren't together, you both need to know that none of this is your fault. I haven't handled myself in the most adult way, or been good at managing my emotions, disruptions, and anger. Your mom made her decisions to protect the two of you, and I truly believe that. So right now, I have to do everything that I can to show your mom that we can be a family again, and that she doesn't have to worry about the two of you being safe with me.
I love you both so much. I love your mom, too. I wish I could be at the park with the two of you right now. I so wish it. It's a beautiful night, and I cannot wait for the next time I can hold you both in my arms and kiss your foreheads.
- Dad
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