Madison, when I saw you on Thursday night, you were sitting up so well. I got down on the floor with you, and you looked at me with your big beautiful eyes and smiled. And then you leaned forward into me, and gave me something of an accidental kiss on the cheek! Then you leaned back, looked at me, your eyes got even wider, and then you leaned forward again, this time on purpose, and gave me ANOTHER kiss!
You did this one more time (now easy to see that it was on purpose) and your mom was laughing and I was nearly in tears. My first kiss from my beautiful daughter when you are only 6 months old.
You are amazing, and I can't wait to see the woman that you grow up to be.
I love you - all of you,
-Dad
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Big Boy Poops!
Your mom just texted me a picture of your first big boy poop!
Her text read, "Success!!!! Just did his first big boy poop in his potty. He peed on me as he went, but small steps, right?"
I'll spare you the picture on the blog post, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you, K-Dog, and your mom and sister Scooch, too!
Way to go!
-Dad
Her text read, "Success!!!! Just did his first big boy poop in his potty. He peed on me as he went, but small steps, right?"
I'll spare you the picture on the blog post, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you, K-Dog, and your mom and sister Scooch, too!
Way to go!
-Dad
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Pinwheels!!!
My Dearest Kellan & Madison,
Your mother and I love you both so very much. You were both so happy and smiling and I was so glad to see you and play with you today.
Today is a hot day, toward the end of June. Last Thursday was the first time I had seen either of you in two months, and we played at the park that evening. It was a beautiful night with a cool breeze, and lots of shade, and Kellan and I ran and ran and played on the jungle gyms, slides and swings. Today, I came to the house at noon, and it was too hot to go outside or to the park, so we played inside in the cool air conditioning.
Madison, you are six months old, and today you showed me how you can scoot backwards in your walker. You are getting really good at it! Today, as you and I were playing, I saw you reach out for Kellan's stuffed Peter Pan doll, so I handed him to you, and your eyes lit up as you grasped him. You are such a good girl, and you are so beautiful. Your red hair and blue eyes are striking, and your stomach muscles are super-strong - you are able to sit up really well, while other babies your age can't really do it that well. You watch your brother closely, and seem to be learning from his every move.
Kellan, you are two years old and two months, and today we ran and ran and played in the house. You are working on getting over your limp from breaking your leg, and are doing so much better than you did even on Thursday at the park! You're still a little unsteady, and you tripped and fell once as we were playing, but you brushed it off like nothing happened, and we kept on going! I chased you around the kitchen island with your two pinwheels - a game that you love, and you giggle and smile and laugh as we play. I have been out of town and have waited for two months to chase you with the pinwheels, and today I finally got my wish. I built up a sweat (even in the air conditioning) while you were completely unfazed by the exercise, but it was my absolute dream come true to be in our home and play with you and your sister. The picture I have in my memory of your bright smile and laughter as we played is better than anything that could be captured by a camera.
Things right now are tough for your mom and I. I don't know how old you'll be when you read this, but I want to write down what's going on right now to help you understand what life was like for your mom and me as you were growing up. (At least, during the time before you started to make your own memories.) I don't know how all of this is going to turn out with your mom and me. I really, really, really hope that we are not separated or divorced when you read this. I love your mother very much, and I want us to to stay together and be happy. I do have to learn how to manage my emotions better to be a better husband and a better father (and just to be a better man!) and I hope your mother can see how hard I am trying. I have been going to therapy twice a week for the last two months, and I have two therapy sessions set up for this week, and have called about all of the anger management classes on the list I was given. I've even set up an office space where I can go to work so that I won't be at the house anymore during the day, which means I can spend better quality time with all three of you when work is over.
So, right now, we are in a serious situation. I haven't been able to see you for the last two months because of an agreement that I made with your mom. I promised I would stay in Tulsa, Oklahoma, (where I work for one week out of the month, usually, and the rest of the time I have been working from home.) Two weeks after it happened, we found out that Kellan had broken his leg. The doctor who examined Kellan, called the break "suspicious" and a government agency called CPS ("Child Protective Services") was notified.
Because of the way that I have acted in the past around your mom, and the heated arguments that we've had, your mom was scared that I may have hurt you, Kellan. She knows that I love you, but she thought that in a moment of anger, I somehow had broken your leg. In fact, two days before you started limping, I had put you into your car seat more roughly and forcefully than I should have, and I felt terrible about it when it happened. I wasn't angry - you were just upset and made your body rigid in protest of going into the car seat. I put my hands to your hips and got you to sit down and buckled you in, but in hindsight, I should have tickled you to get you to sit down. Anyway, when we found out that your leg was broken, I pointed the finger at myself as the possible reason and wondered if somehow, putting you in the car seat that day had broken your leg.
Your mother loves you both. She loves you so much that I think all she was thinking at the time was to protect the two of you, and that nothing else mattered. I stayed in Tulsa when I should have come home. Being there gave me time to work on myself and go to therapy, but it did nothing to reassure your mother that the two of you would be safe with me.
The details of what have happened in the last two months are for another post, maybe. If your mom and I are no longer together when you read this, I know you're probably going to want to know every last detail to understand how and why it happened. But hopefully, in the long run, it won't matter. You'll just know that when you were 2 years old and 6 months old, your mom and dad had a rough spot that they were able to get over. But even if we aren't together, you both need to know that none of this is your fault. I haven't handled myself in the most adult way, or been good at managing my emotions, disruptions, and anger. Your mom made her decisions to protect the two of you, and I truly believe that. So right now, I have to do everything that I can to show your mom that we can be a family again, and that she doesn't have to worry about the two of you being safe with me.
I love you both so much. I love your mom, too. I wish I could be at the park with the two of you right now. I so wish it. It's a beautiful night, and I cannot wait for the next time I can hold you both in my arms and kiss your foreheads.
- Dad
Your mother and I love you both so very much. You were both so happy and smiling and I was so glad to see you and play with you today.
Today is a hot day, toward the end of June. Last Thursday was the first time I had seen either of you in two months, and we played at the park that evening. It was a beautiful night with a cool breeze, and lots of shade, and Kellan and I ran and ran and played on the jungle gyms, slides and swings. Today, I came to the house at noon, and it was too hot to go outside or to the park, so we played inside in the cool air conditioning.
Madison, you are six months old, and today you showed me how you can scoot backwards in your walker. You are getting really good at it! Today, as you and I were playing, I saw you reach out for Kellan's stuffed Peter Pan doll, so I handed him to you, and your eyes lit up as you grasped him. You are such a good girl, and you are so beautiful. Your red hair and blue eyes are striking, and your stomach muscles are super-strong - you are able to sit up really well, while other babies your age can't really do it that well. You watch your brother closely, and seem to be learning from his every move.
Kellan, you are two years old and two months, and today we ran and ran and played in the house. You are working on getting over your limp from breaking your leg, and are doing so much better than you did even on Thursday at the park! You're still a little unsteady, and you tripped and fell once as we were playing, but you brushed it off like nothing happened, and we kept on going! I chased you around the kitchen island with your two pinwheels - a game that you love, and you giggle and smile and laugh as we play. I have been out of town and have waited for two months to chase you with the pinwheels, and today I finally got my wish. I built up a sweat (even in the air conditioning) while you were completely unfazed by the exercise, but it was my absolute dream come true to be in our home and play with you and your sister. The picture I have in my memory of your bright smile and laughter as we played is better than anything that could be captured by a camera.
Things right now are tough for your mom and I. I don't know how old you'll be when you read this, but I want to write down what's going on right now to help you understand what life was like for your mom and me as you were growing up. (At least, during the time before you started to make your own memories.) I don't know how all of this is going to turn out with your mom and me. I really, really, really hope that we are not separated or divorced when you read this. I love your mother very much, and I want us to to stay together and be happy. I do have to learn how to manage my emotions better to be a better husband and a better father (and just to be a better man!) and I hope your mother can see how hard I am trying. I have been going to therapy twice a week for the last two months, and I have two therapy sessions set up for this week, and have called about all of the anger management classes on the list I was given. I've even set up an office space where I can go to work so that I won't be at the house anymore during the day, which means I can spend better quality time with all three of you when work is over.
So, right now, we are in a serious situation. I haven't been able to see you for the last two months because of an agreement that I made with your mom. I promised I would stay in Tulsa, Oklahoma, (where I work for one week out of the month, usually, and the rest of the time I have been working from home.) Two weeks after it happened, we found out that Kellan had broken his leg. The doctor who examined Kellan, called the break "suspicious" and a government agency called CPS ("Child Protective Services") was notified.
Because of the way that I have acted in the past around your mom, and the heated arguments that we've had, your mom was scared that I may have hurt you, Kellan. She knows that I love you, but she thought that in a moment of anger, I somehow had broken your leg. In fact, two days before you started limping, I had put you into your car seat more roughly and forcefully than I should have, and I felt terrible about it when it happened. I wasn't angry - you were just upset and made your body rigid in protest of going into the car seat. I put my hands to your hips and got you to sit down and buckled you in, but in hindsight, I should have tickled you to get you to sit down. Anyway, when we found out that your leg was broken, I pointed the finger at myself as the possible reason and wondered if somehow, putting you in the car seat that day had broken your leg.
Your mother loves you both. She loves you so much that I think all she was thinking at the time was to protect the two of you, and that nothing else mattered. I stayed in Tulsa when I should have come home. Being there gave me time to work on myself and go to therapy, but it did nothing to reassure your mother that the two of you would be safe with me.
The details of what have happened in the last two months are for another post, maybe. If your mom and I are no longer together when you read this, I know you're probably going to want to know every last detail to understand how and why it happened. But hopefully, in the long run, it won't matter. You'll just know that when you were 2 years old and 6 months old, your mom and dad had a rough spot that they were able to get over. But even if we aren't together, you both need to know that none of this is your fault. I haven't handled myself in the most adult way, or been good at managing my emotions, disruptions, and anger. Your mom made her decisions to protect the two of you, and I truly believe that. So right now, I have to do everything that I can to show your mom that we can be a family again, and that she doesn't have to worry about the two of you being safe with me.
I love you both so much. I love your mom, too. I wish I could be at the park with the two of you right now. I so wish it. It's a beautiful night, and I cannot wait for the next time I can hold you both in my arms and kiss your foreheads.
- Dad
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
The Little Mermaid
My Dear Daughter,
Yesterday you went on your first Dineyland ride: The Little Mermaid! You were so brave, you kept your eyes open the whole time, and just watched all of the animatronics and listened to the music. That was Kellan's first ride at Disneyland, too.
You were dressed like a strawberry yesterday, and so many people stopped to tell us just how cute you were. And you were such a good girl, too.
You smile a lot these days, and crinkle your little nose. Your mom has even heard you laugh a couple of times. Your newest trick is flailing your arms and hitting the little toys that hang down from your car seat. You also like to kick your legs, and I think you can't wait to start running around and terrorizing your big brother.
Lots of people have told us that they really love your baby announcement. I hope you don't mind what I wrote on the back for you. (What am I saying? Of course you'll mind, but I guess it's okay since you're too young right now to give me a hard time for it!)
I love you!
- Pappa
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
"Diced Peppers!"
You're right, kiddo. I would never have guessed that your first words would be "diced peppers"!
Your mom and your grandfather heard you say this today. I am in Tulsa writing this, and it is very late. I need to be up for work in four hours, so I'm going to make this short.
You've said, "Sponge Bob" and "Basketball" and "Spider-Man" before, but not as clearly enunciated as "diced peppers"! I guess you found a jar of them in your grandmother's kitchen, and when your mom explained what thy were, you responded by repeating their name. This is only the beginning!
We haven't decided on a name for your little sister yet. Your mom says that she wiggles when she hears your voice. Harper? Sadie? Piper? Should her middle name be "Mischief"? "Adventure" has too many syllables. Whoah... I think "Peril" would a perfect middle name for her! I'll have to run it past your mom, but I like it!
Okay, my son (and daughter)! Daddy's got to hit he hay. Can't wait for all of our adventures together!
Sweet dreams, both of you! Good night!
-Dad
Your mom and your grandfather heard you say this today. I am in Tulsa writing this, and it is very late. I need to be up for work in four hours, so I'm going to make this short.
You've said, "Sponge Bob" and "Basketball" and "Spider-Man" before, but not as clearly enunciated as "diced peppers"! I guess you found a jar of them in your grandmother's kitchen, and when your mom explained what thy were, you responded by repeating their name. This is only the beginning!
We haven't decided on a name for your little sister yet. Your mom says that she wiggles when she hears your voice. Harper? Sadie? Piper? Should her middle name be "Mischief"? "Adventure" has too many syllables. Whoah... I think "Peril" would a perfect middle name for her! I'll have to run it past your mom, but I like it!
Okay, my son (and daughter)! Daddy's got to hit he hay. Can't wait for all of our adventures together!
Sweet dreams, both of you! Good night!
-Dad
Sunday, June 24, 2012
It's Sunday morning, your mom is asleep, and you are watching Toy Story in your downstairs Pack-N-Play. We went for a walk outside earlier, and you picked up some sticks and rocks. You always want to have something in each hand when we are outside. You're very tactile. I watch you roll sticks between your fingers, bang rocks together, and crush dried leaves in your hands.
You've decided that you are done watching the movie and we are now on the stairs. You always pick up Emily's and Maggie's dog bowls and try to roll them down the stairs.
The upstairs gate was open, and you ran into the room where Mommy was sleeping. Was. You are laughing as you play on the dangerous elliptical, and now you are putting your stuffed Goofy in harms way - he'd be crushed by the steppers as they rolled past.
You just rescued him, and after depositing him safely near the dog toy bin, you are now up in the bed with Mommy, drinking a bottle. You've recently had an ear infection, so you worry us both when you slap your ear like you just did. I hope that this last antibiotic treatment (your second one for this problem) gets rid of your pain.
You don't know it yet, but pretty soon, our family of three is going to be a family of four! Your mom is pregnant, and while we don't know if you'll have a brother or a sister yet, your mom's last visit to the doctor let us know that your sibling is healthy so far!
I love you, son!
Dad
Friday, April 20, 2012
Dog Doors, Toilets, and Remote Controls
Some of your favorite things to do right now:
1) Take your toys, balls, things from the pantry, dog collars, and put them outside through the dog door into the backyard. Your mom calls them "Offerings to the Backyard Gods"
1) Take your toys, balls, things from the pantry, dog collars, and put them outside through the dog door into the backyard. Your mom calls them "Offerings to the Backyard Gods"
2) You like to splash in Emily's and Maggie's water bowl (although you don't splash at all when you are getting your bath...). This fascination with water has extended to toilets, recently, so your mom and I have to be on our toes and close the bathroom doors if you are running around without us following you. Also, you've been enjoying dropping things into the toilet, and recently dropped some of the "Flippy-Floppers" (dog frisbees) into the toilet at our house, and dropped a bunch of deodorant sticks, shampoo bottles and remote controls into the toilet at your grandparents' house here in California.
3) Speaking of remote controls, one of your favorite things to do is to grab our remote controls and run away. You know we'll chase you, and you never really cry when we get them back. You know it's a game, and I think you take delight in our laughter when the channel changes or the volume shuts off when we are watching a program together. Your Grandmother Pagel gave us one of her remote controls, so we use it as a decoy for you to play with, but I think you are catching on that we don't chase you as hard when you have that one...
4) You love to zoom around in your little bike that your mom got you for your birthday, but that we decided to let you have for Easter. Your legs aren't long enough to peddle it, s we push you around, but you enjoy it whether we are inside or outside:
5) You really enjoy watching a show called "Little Einsteins" - in particular, an episode called "Brothers and Sisters to the Rescue." You watch it all the time, and during the day, even when you are not here, the music plays in the back of my head, and I think of you...
6) You really love climbing the stairs. You like to go up and down, and grab the dog dishes (yes - they eat on the stairway landing halfway up...) and climb to the top with them in your hands. There have been several times where, if we weren't there to catch you, you would have tumbled all the way down and cracked your skull, I'm sure. "Danger" is a very appropriate middle name for you. Can't believe we've made it a whole year with all of your fingers and toes intact!
In short, being you is pretty exhausting. You're constantly learning about the world around you, and teaching us how to be good parents.
Good night, kiddo. Sweet dreams.
-Dad
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
My Son, the World Traveller
Hey Son!
It is no mystery why I am choosing to write you now. You and your mom are out of town, visiting your Great Grandma Pagel. I'm holding down the fort here in Rancho Cucamonga, making sure your dogs Emily and Maggie get fed and get their walks. I'm working a lot, trying to make the best use of the time while you and your mom are away.
I miss you and your mom, and look forward to when you'll come home. Until then, I'm going to try to get our taxes done and even do some consulting work to try to pay for those taxes! I wonder what your life is like, when you read this. How high are taxes? Did we plan well enough for your future for you to have an education? Are your mom and I doing okay financially?
Does it sound like I'm obsessed with finances? They say it comes with the territory when you are a new father. My mom and dad never had the opportunity to set anything aside for my education. I'm really hoping you won't have to say the same thing. I know you'll work hard - I just want you to be able to go to the school where you want to go, to study the things you want to learn.
It's a big job, trying to look into the future and see what things might be like - one that's hard to do when there's a maelstrom of activity around you, so I'm trying to take this time to breathe, and think hard about the future.
Your mom sent me photos of you today, running around your Great-Grandmother's house. Everyong can't believe how early you started walking, nor can they believe how appropriate your middle name is.
Here's the story your mom texted to me today:
And now he shuts the doors...he has LOVED shutting and opening those doors. There's a gap, so his fingers don't get pinched!
It is no mystery why I am choosing to write you now. You and your mom are out of town, visiting your Great Grandma Pagel. I'm holding down the fort here in Rancho Cucamonga, making sure your dogs Emily and Maggie get fed and get their walks. I'm working a lot, trying to make the best use of the time while you and your mom are away.
I miss you and your mom, and look forward to when you'll come home. Until then, I'm going to try to get our taxes done and even do some consulting work to try to pay for those taxes! I wonder what your life is like, when you read this. How high are taxes? Did we plan well enough for your future for you to have an education? Are your mom and I doing okay financially?
Does it sound like I'm obsessed with finances? They say it comes with the territory when you are a new father. My mom and dad never had the opportunity to set anything aside for my education. I'm really hoping you won't have to say the same thing. I know you'll work hard - I just want you to be able to go to the school where you want to go, to study the things you want to learn.
It's a big job, trying to look into the future and see what things might be like - one that's hard to do when there's a maelstrom of activity around you, so I'm trying to take this time to breathe, and think hard about the future.
Your mom sent me photos of you today, running around your Great-Grandmother's house. Everyong can't believe how early you started walking, nor can they believe how appropriate your middle name is.
Here's the story your mom texted to me today:
The first picture was Kellan patting my boobs. The second one, is him in front of the giant slope!
He just crawled down the scary slope...
After he leaves our room, goes down the slope, shuts the doors, he goes through the laundry room to the kitchen...where he must traverse the treacherous tile door threshold. (ironically, that's where my grandpa fell and broke his hip...that led to him passing)
After he gets across the threshold, he opens EVERY cupboard door in the kitchen...I think it's good we don't have handles on our doors...
Grabs a snack to continue on his journey...
Heads to the front door
Checks on the kitties through the window...
Time to head to the bedroom to check on "gega"...
Past the fireplace...
Past more interesting knick knacks...
Found "gega," so time to check on "Tucson grandma..."
Sees I'm getting photo documentation of his trek...
Finds grandma...
Rips card in half and grandma tells me that was John's card...Kellan scores 2 points- one for destruction and one for destroying John's card...
Passes the bathroom as he runs away with the evidence...
Runs to grandma's room because mommy is trying to take the pieces away of what is now HIS card...
He gets this picture...
And this...and kisses and pats them
I got the card and now he runs back to our room laughing doing fist pumps...
Hope you enjoyed that! Your mom makes both of us laugh a lot - we're two very lucky men.
I love you, Kellan.
Now... back to doing taxes!
-Dad
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Your First Laugh
Your mom and I were here together, just a few minutes ago, and we both got to witness your first laugh, which happened at 2:11 PM on Saturday, May 7th. We looked at each other and giggled - just happy that you are healthy and that we were both home to see it together. (As an edit, later on tonight your "plasti-bell" fell off of your "you-know-what" which means your circumcision is now officially complete, too. Something else to celebrate!)
You've been keeping us pretty busy - so busy, in fact, that I haven't had the chance to document anything about your birth, which happened on April 27th. Yep - that's right! Those were real contractions your mom was having in the shower.
We have a video of us driving to the hospital at around 2:45 in the morning (I took out the part that shows your mom going through one of the contractions):
When we got there, they almost weren't going to admit us. Your mom wasn't dilated at all, but was 80% effaced (meaning the wall was thinning, but the door wasn't open). Normally, the hospital won't admit you until you're 4 or 5 centimeters dilated.
Then the contractions started getting even more painful, and your mom and I didn't know what we were going to do if they told us to go home and labor some more on our own before coming back. The nurse told us to walk around for an hour, and then she would check your mom again before calling the doctor. Otherwise, if she called him right then, she thought he would most likely tell us to go home.
But before we could leave the room, another woman was wheeled into maternity outside our room. She was in a lot of pain, and too far along the process to get an epidural. It sounded like she was being murdered, and your mom and I were terrified. Is this what it was going to be like? Was she about to experience that much terrible pain?
At around 4:45 AM, the nurse came back in and checked your mom. She was 100% effaced and 1 cm dilated. She said she thought that was a good change, and went off to call the doctor. By 5:00 AM, the call came back and we were admitted to the hospital. We were elated that we weren't going to have to go home and then come back!
It would still be a while before they could give your mom the epidural, and she was really not having a good time, so they gave her a little bit of pain medication to "take the edge off". It helped for maybe twenty minutes, but then she was back to feeling it full force.
At around 6:20 AM, Dr. Carney came in to give your mom the epidural. Here's where things started to go wrong. He poked your mom seven times before he was successful at getting the epidural started, and warned us that your mom could develop a spinal headache if he had punctured the "dura" - the part of your mom's back that he wasn't supposed to puncture. He looked like he thought he had punctured it, so he gave your mom a very low dose of the epidural - 4 cc's, where the normal amount for someone as tall as your mom is 10 - 15 cc's. We wouldn't find out till later just how significant this problem was. Your mom had back surgery last year, and her discs are pretty thin, making the epidural trickier on her than some other poeple because the space is so small. However, the fact that it was successful was enough to celebrate for the moment. For a while there, I was worried they were going to tell us that she wouldn't be able to get one.
By 7:00 AM, the epidural was complete, but your mom was still only 1 cm dilated. At 8:15 AM, another check revealed that she was 4cm dilated. We were on track, and your mom's pain was lessened for the moment. In fact, she couldn't feel her legs!
Dr. Du, the doctor who would deliver you, then broke your mom's water bag at 8:45 AM, to keep things moving along.
At 9:00 AM, members of the family started to show up. Your Grandma Kate and Uncle Josh were there, with your cousins Alex and Casey. Your Uncle Mike came later, and then your Grandpa came with his video camera! (He made a great 3-minute video of your delivery that I'm sure you've now seen many times!)
At 11:00 AM, your mom was 6 cm dilated, and at 1:00 PM she was 8 cm. Another aneasthesiologist had come in and pumped up your mom's epidural to 10 cc's because she was really feeling the contractions. Then things started to accelerate, and by 1:45 PM, your mom was already 9.5 cm dilated, and they decided to wheel us into a different room at 2:30 PM. (Luckily, a larger one!)
By 2:55, the nurse said your mom was 10 cm dilated and ready to push. Your Grandma Kate video-taped you coming into the world at 3:48 PM! I cut the cord, and you were wisked over to the table to be examined and cleaned up. You were 19.5 inches long and weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces, and were the most beautiful baby any of us had ever seen! And so pink!
Your mom was re-admitted to the hospital early in the morning, and they hooked her up to an I.V. and pumped her full of fluids. Short of doing another "blood patch," that was all they could do. She stayed until Tuesday, and her pain had lessened from the "10" when we came on Sunday night to around a "2" or a "3". They wanted to give your mom medications for the pain, but she didn't want any of that to pass to you through the breast milk. (I would drive the breast milk to your Grandma Kate's while your mom was in the hospital, so you weren't just limited to having formula while she was away....)
We stayed up at your Grandma Kate's for a couple of days, just so your mom could have some extra help and lie down as much as possible. Then, we brought you home again, and that's where we saw you laugh today. Here, with us, at your home.
So that's pretty much the story of how you came into the world! It wasn't without effort, but it was worth every bit of it!
We love you so much, and are so glad you're healthy! We'll do everything we can to make sure you have a happy childhood. Welcome to the planet, buddy!
Dad
You've been keeping us pretty busy - so busy, in fact, that I haven't had the chance to document anything about your birth, which happened on April 27th. Yep - that's right! Those were real contractions your mom was having in the shower.
We have a video of us driving to the hospital at around 2:45 in the morning (I took out the part that shows your mom going through one of the contractions):
When we got there, they almost weren't going to admit us. Your mom wasn't dilated at all, but was 80% effaced (meaning the wall was thinning, but the door wasn't open). Normally, the hospital won't admit you until you're 4 or 5 centimeters dilated.
Then the contractions started getting even more painful, and your mom and I didn't know what we were going to do if they told us to go home and labor some more on our own before coming back. The nurse told us to walk around for an hour, and then she would check your mom again before calling the doctor. Otherwise, if she called him right then, she thought he would most likely tell us to go home.
But before we could leave the room, another woman was wheeled into maternity outside our room. She was in a lot of pain, and too far along the process to get an epidural. It sounded like she was being murdered, and your mom and I were terrified. Is this what it was going to be like? Was she about to experience that much terrible pain?
At around 4:45 AM, the nurse came back in and checked your mom. She was 100% effaced and 1 cm dilated. She said she thought that was a good change, and went off to call the doctor. By 5:00 AM, the call came back and we were admitted to the hospital. We were elated that we weren't going to have to go home and then come back!
It would still be a while before they could give your mom the epidural, and she was really not having a good time, so they gave her a little bit of pain medication to "take the edge off". It helped for maybe twenty minutes, but then she was back to feeling it full force.
At around 6:20 AM, Dr. Carney came in to give your mom the epidural. Here's where things started to go wrong. He poked your mom seven times before he was successful at getting the epidural started, and warned us that your mom could develop a spinal headache if he had punctured the "dura" - the part of your mom's back that he wasn't supposed to puncture. He looked like he thought he had punctured it, so he gave your mom a very low dose of the epidural - 4 cc's, where the normal amount for someone as tall as your mom is 10 - 15 cc's. We wouldn't find out till later just how significant this problem was. Your mom had back surgery last year, and her discs are pretty thin, making the epidural trickier on her than some other poeple because the space is so small. However, the fact that it was successful was enough to celebrate for the moment. For a while there, I was worried they were going to tell us that she wouldn't be able to get one.
By 7:00 AM, the epidural was complete, but your mom was still only 1 cm dilated. At 8:15 AM, another check revealed that she was 4cm dilated. We were on track, and your mom's pain was lessened for the moment. In fact, she couldn't feel her legs!
Dr. Du, the doctor who would deliver you, then broke your mom's water bag at 8:45 AM, to keep things moving along.
At 9:00 AM, members of the family started to show up. Your Grandma Kate and Uncle Josh were there, with your cousins Alex and Casey. Your Uncle Mike came later, and then your Grandpa came with his video camera! (He made a great 3-minute video of your delivery that I'm sure you've now seen many times!)
At 11:00 AM, your mom was 6 cm dilated, and at 1:00 PM she was 8 cm. Another aneasthesiologist had come in and pumped up your mom's epidural to 10 cc's because she was really feeling the contractions. Then things started to accelerate, and by 1:45 PM, your mom was already 9.5 cm dilated, and they decided to wheel us into a different room at 2:30 PM. (Luckily, a larger one!)
By 2:55, the nurse said your mom was 10 cm dilated and ready to push. Your Grandma Kate video-taped you coming into the world at 3:48 PM! I cut the cord, and you were wisked over to the table to be examined and cleaned up. You were 19.5 inches long and weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces, and were the most beautiful baby any of us had ever seen! And so pink!
Right after, when Dr. Du tried to deliver your mom's placenta, your mom's uterus inverted - meaning, the placenta was still hanging on for dear life, and when the doctor tried to pull it out, the back part of the uterus started to come with it. Well, that can be a pretty serious problem, and your mom would have had to go immediately to the operating room if Dr. Du hadn't been able to punch her uterus back in place. I remember standing there, my attention torn between you, who seemed to have some fluid in your lungs, and your mom, who was being subjected to some pretty violent maneuvers by the doctor. In the end, Dr. Du was successful, and you were healthy, so things seemed to be going well. But we weren't out of the woods yet.
The next day, Thursday, I attended your little "manhood surgery" and in the afternoon, your mom's spinal headache caught up with her. One of the specialists helping out with the fine art of breast-feeding, alerted the doctors that that pain your mom was having in her neck was not normal. Another anaesthesiologist came in, and in a couple of hours, your mom was having a "blood patch" performed. The idea is to plug the leaking spinal column with her own blood, sealing off the leak until the body can heal itself. Your mom was so happy you were healthy and that the delivery had gone so well, but she was just plain miserable.
Well, the "blood patch" procedure worked, but only for a couple of days. You came home on Friday, April 29th, and by Sunday, your mom was back in the hospital. Grandma Kate was taking care of you Sunday night when we left for the emergency room. We got there at around 11:00 PM, and your mom was just in misery. We cursed the name of Dr. Carney, and hoped that an emergency room doctor could help.
We stayed up at your Grandma Kate's for a couple of days, just so your mom could have some extra help and lie down as much as possible. Then, we brought you home again, and that's where we saw you laugh today. Here, with us, at your home.
So that's pretty much the story of how you came into the world! It wasn't without effort, but it was worth every bit of it!
We love you so much, and are so glad you're healthy! We'll do everything we can to make sure you have a happy childhood. Welcome to the planet, buddy!
Dad
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
The Dry Run
Hey Son!
Well, this morning we went to San Antonio Hospital after we thought your mom's water may have broken. It was just a small amount, but we wanted to check, so we called the hospital and they told us to come in.
They examined your mom, and you, today, and called you a "wiggle worm" because you were moving so much. It's a healthy thing, and a good thing, actually, so be proud of your new title! They checked your mom's cervix, said she was still completely closed, and checked a sample under the microscope, looking for "fern-like" evidence of amniotic fluid. They didn't find anything that made them think your mom's water had broken, so they were about to send us home - but you wiggled away from the heart monitor, so the nurse asked that we stay a little longer after they found you again, just to make sure you were alright.
Satisfied that you were fine, they unhooked your mom from the monitors and we went to the Rancho Cucamonga Police Department to have them check out your little car seat. We want to make sure you'll be safe. Then I had a conference call with my "bosses" at The Crosby Group (the folks for whom I work).
We ended up going to your aunt Casey's socker game, where we saw her score two goals, and during that time, your mom starting feeling a little funny. We came home, finished making tortilla soup, and then your mom started having contractions. She's in the shower right now, and has decided to change your middle name from "Danger" to "Son of a b----" as she's not having a really fun time right now.
But all of that is in fun. We love you so much and can't wait to meet you! The time is drawing near!
I love you so much.
Dad
Well, this morning we went to San Antonio Hospital after we thought your mom's water may have broken. It was just a small amount, but we wanted to check, so we called the hospital and they told us to come in.
They examined your mom, and you, today, and called you a "wiggle worm" because you were moving so much. It's a healthy thing, and a good thing, actually, so be proud of your new title! They checked your mom's cervix, said she was still completely closed, and checked a sample under the microscope, looking for "fern-like" evidence of amniotic fluid. They didn't find anything that made them think your mom's water had broken, so they were about to send us home - but you wiggled away from the heart monitor, so the nurse asked that we stay a little longer after they found you again, just to make sure you were alright.
Satisfied that you were fine, they unhooked your mom from the monitors and we went to the Rancho Cucamonga Police Department to have them check out your little car seat. We want to make sure you'll be safe. Then I had a conference call with my "bosses" at The Crosby Group (the folks for whom I work).
We ended up going to your aunt Casey's socker game, where we saw her score two goals, and during that time, your mom starting feeling a little funny. We came home, finished making tortilla soup, and then your mom started having contractions. She's in the shower right now, and has decided to change your middle name from "Danger" to "Son of a b----" as she's not having a really fun time right now.
But all of that is in fun. We love you so much and can't wait to meet you! The time is drawing near!
I love you so much.
Dad
Friday, April 1, 2011
The Passing of a Great Man
My Dear Son,
I was hoping beyond hope that your Great Grandfather, Carroll Atherton, would have an opportunity to meet you before he passed. But, I'm sorry to say that I am, once again, here in Kentucky, only four months since your Great Grandmother Alberta passed. Yesterday, we buried Grandpa Atherton at the same cemetery where my dad and your Great Grandmother Alberta are buried.
Your Great Grandpa taught me a lot things that I hope to teach you one day. He taught me that if you are going to do something, do it right, or don't do it at all. He was thoughtful, respectful, and a real gentleman. He worried a lot, but not about himself - he worried about others, and was very generous with his time and sacrified a lot for his family. My mother tells me there were times when I was growing up that my mother didn't know how they survived. That was your Great Grandpa's doing, I suspect.
Right now, there's a chain of fast-food restaurants called "Kentucky Fried Chicken" that has been around for many years. I'm sure I've told you by the time you read this, but your Great Grandfather knew Colonel Sanders, the man who started the restaurant, and sold him his first calculator. I suppose that was his claim to fame. He was also President of the Rotary Club in J-Town (Jeffersontown) and he inspired me to join the Rotary Club out in California. I plan to teach you the "Four-Way Test" and hope you'll try to live your life by it, as I have tried to live mine by it:
Of the things we think, say, or do:
He taught me things by counter-example, too. He taught me not to worry so much, as I know that contributed to his decline in his later years, and he also taught me to cultivate my hobbies, because he didn't really have any. He had outlived all of his friends from his youth, and though he had fantastic neighbors who became his dear friends, once the love of his life passed, he had nothing to focus his energy on, save for his family, and so he slept a lot. That was his way of coping, and I so wish that he had been interested in some hobbies - distractions that he could, in his advanced age, still enjoy.
When someone you love dies, you're confronted with the realization that you don't have all the time in the world; that there won't always be tomorrow. I have felt a shift in my own mindset this week - even since yesterday afternoon. I want to do something important - something that has a positive and lasting effect on the world. The legacy that your Great Grandpa left was the love of his family, and I hope that when my time comes, I have done justice to the Atherton name, and to his memory.
I can't get home until Monday, which means I'm going to have to miss the baby shower for you tomorrow. It makes me sad that I won't be there with your mom's family and many of our friends to celebrate your highly-anticipated arrival. Your mom has been pregnant with you for 36 weeks today, and things are looking good. She knows you are a strong baby, and we are so looking forward to raising you and seeing the man you become.
We love you dearly, talk about you constantly, and laugh about your antics even now. Your mom went to a breast-feeding class a few days ago, and the whole class burst into laughter when you kicked her fake baby off of her chest! You've got some powerful legs already, which I'm sure your mom will want to turn into soccer cannons!
I have vowed that my next trip out here to Kentucky will not be for a funeral, but to introduce you to your family that has had such a positive influence on me, and that I hope you get to know as you grow up.
I love you,
Dad
I was hoping beyond hope that your Great Grandfather, Carroll Atherton, would have an opportunity to meet you before he passed. But, I'm sorry to say that I am, once again, here in Kentucky, only four months since your Great Grandmother Alberta passed. Yesterday, we buried Grandpa Atherton at the same cemetery where my dad and your Great Grandmother Alberta are buried.
Your Great Grandpa taught me a lot things that I hope to teach you one day. He taught me that if you are going to do something, do it right, or don't do it at all. He was thoughtful, respectful, and a real gentleman. He worried a lot, but not about himself - he worried about others, and was very generous with his time and sacrified a lot for his family. My mother tells me there were times when I was growing up that my mother didn't know how they survived. That was your Great Grandpa's doing, I suspect.
Right now, there's a chain of fast-food restaurants called "Kentucky Fried Chicken" that has been around for many years. I'm sure I've told you by the time you read this, but your Great Grandfather knew Colonel Sanders, the man who started the restaurant, and sold him his first calculator. I suppose that was his claim to fame. He was also President of the Rotary Club in J-Town (Jeffersontown) and he inspired me to join the Rotary Club out in California. I plan to teach you the "Four-Way Test" and hope you'll try to live your life by it, as I have tried to live mine by it:
Of the things we think, say, or do:
- Is it the truth?
- Is it fair to all concerned?
- Will it build good will and better friendships?
- Will it be beneficial to all concerned?
He taught me things by counter-example, too. He taught me not to worry so much, as I know that contributed to his decline in his later years, and he also taught me to cultivate my hobbies, because he didn't really have any. He had outlived all of his friends from his youth, and though he had fantastic neighbors who became his dear friends, once the love of his life passed, he had nothing to focus his energy on, save for his family, and so he slept a lot. That was his way of coping, and I so wish that he had been interested in some hobbies - distractions that he could, in his advanced age, still enjoy.
When someone you love dies, you're confronted with the realization that you don't have all the time in the world; that there won't always be tomorrow. I have felt a shift in my own mindset this week - even since yesterday afternoon. I want to do something important - something that has a positive and lasting effect on the world. The legacy that your Great Grandpa left was the love of his family, and I hope that when my time comes, I have done justice to the Atherton name, and to his memory.
I can't get home until Monday, which means I'm going to have to miss the baby shower for you tomorrow. It makes me sad that I won't be there with your mom's family and many of our friends to celebrate your highly-anticipated arrival. Your mom has been pregnant with you for 36 weeks today, and things are looking good. She knows you are a strong baby, and we are so looking forward to raising you and seeing the man you become.
We love you dearly, talk about you constantly, and laugh about your antics even now. Your mom went to a breast-feeding class a few days ago, and the whole class burst into laughter when you kicked her fake baby off of her chest! You've got some powerful legs already, which I'm sure your mom will want to turn into soccer cannons!
I have vowed that my next trip out here to Kentucky will not be for a funeral, but to introduce you to your family that has had such a positive influence on me, and that I hope you get to know as you grow up.
I love you,
Dad
Friday, March 18, 2011
Middle Name: "Danger"
We decided on your name on December 18th of 2010 while your mom and I were in the car waiting to see the Christmas lights. (Wow, I can't believe its already the middle of March!) Some other contenders were:
- Allistair
- Drew
- Andy
- Alex
- Charlie
- Brock
- Landon
- Nicholas
- Skylar
- Ethan
- Ian
We didn't come together on your middle name until some time later... We'll tell people that your middle name is "Dane" for a while, until you get a little older, I think.
Your mom and I have been to 5 weeks of classes that have taught us all about what to expect in the coming weeks. Our friends Mark and Melody are having their baby today - St. Patrick's Day (or the day after...). We haven't heard anything in a few hours, but it looks like their daughter isn't being quick about coming out. Our friends Joe and Edie are having their little girl, Aubrey, in June, so you'll have some kiddos to play with as you grow up, and we're pretty happy about that!
Your great-grandfather Robert passed away this last weekend, so your mom has just returned home from a week in Arizona. She's tired beyond belief, and you've been getting bigger and bigger, so she's pretty uncomfortable on top of it.
But, you're worth it, and she wouldn't have it any other way. Still, it's time for bed, so I'll check in with you later, my son.
I love you!
Dad
- Allistair
- Drew
- Andy
- Alex
- Charlie
- Brock
- Landon
- Nicholas
- Skylar
- Ethan
- Ian
We didn't come together on your middle name until some time later... We'll tell people that your middle name is "Dane" for a while, until you get a little older, I think.
Your mom and I have been to 5 weeks of classes that have taught us all about what to expect in the coming weeks. Our friends Mark and Melody are having their baby today - St. Patrick's Day (or the day after...). We haven't heard anything in a few hours, but it looks like their daughter isn't being quick about coming out. Our friends Joe and Edie are having their little girl, Aubrey, in June, so you'll have some kiddos to play with as you grow up, and we're pretty happy about that!
Your great-grandfather Robert passed away this last weekend, so your mom has just returned home from a week in Arizona. She's tired beyond belief, and you've been getting bigger and bigger, so she's pretty uncomfortable on top of it.
But, you're worth it, and she wouldn't have it any other way. Still, it's time for bed, so I'll check in with you later, my son.
I love you!
Dad
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The Icing on the Cake
Drum roll please...
It's obviously anticlimactic for you to be reading this. This is a fact you have known all your life. No new information here for you, but for your mom and I, we now know that from this day forth, though we may still call you "our child" or "our baby", as we have in the past few months, now we can also call you "our son."
It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.
~Friedrich von Schiller
After the cake was cut, and the blue icing revealed, our family played the Kinect XBox 360 games. Your grandmother signed off of the computer (she joined us via webcam from Colorado Springs), your Uncle Mike signed off from his webcam at work, your grandparents and Uncle Josh and your cousins Casey and Alex went home.
We spent the night talking about names, the room we're going to make for you, and the fact that we'll need to get you circumsized, but all the while, my imagination was looking to the future - to the man that you will one day become. But first, I have to make sure you get to be a boy, and to not rush the months and years ahead. For, one day, I'll be sad that I did so, if I am fortunate enough to grow old.
I hope that I can be a good father to you, and that I can provide more than food and shelter. I want to help give you all the skills that you will need for your journey ahead, even though I, myself, do not possess all of them.
I think the first skill we'll work on is the ability to use a toilet. (Luckily, that's one that I've nearly mastered...)
I love you, my son.
That's the first time I've said that, but it won't be the last.
Your dad.
P.S. Your mom was right! She knew you were a boy! (Listen to her counsel, my son. She's got the gift.)
It's obviously anticlimactic for you to be reading this. This is a fact you have known all your life. No new information here for you, but for your mom and I, we now know that from this day forth, though we may still call you "our child" or "our baby", as we have in the past few months, now we can also call you "our son."
It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.
~Friedrich von Schiller
After the cake was cut, and the blue icing revealed, our family played the Kinect XBox 360 games. Your grandmother signed off of the computer (she joined us via webcam from Colorado Springs), your Uncle Mike signed off from his webcam at work, your grandparents and Uncle Josh and your cousins Casey and Alex went home.
We spent the night talking about names, the room we're going to make for you, and the fact that we'll need to get you circumsized, but all the while, my imagination was looking to the future - to the man that you will one day become. But first, I have to make sure you get to be a boy, and to not rush the months and years ahead. For, one day, I'll be sad that I did so, if I am fortunate enough to grow old.
I hope that I can be a good father to you, and that I can provide more than food and shelter. I want to help give you all the skills that you will need for your journey ahead, even though I, myself, do not possess all of them.
I think the first skill we'll work on is the ability to use a toilet. (Luckily, that's one that I've nearly mastered...)
I love you, my son.
That's the first time I've said that, but it won't be the last.
Your dad.
P.S. Your mom was right! She knew you were a boy! (Listen to her counsel, my son. She's got the gift.)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Blue or Pink?
Well, my child, this may be the last entry that I don't make a reference to your specific gender. You could be "my daughter" or your could be "my son." The plan is for all of us to find out together on Tuesday night when I return home.
I'm in Kentucky right now, visiting your Great Grandfather, Haynes Carroll Atherton. (He goes by Carroll.) I hope that you'll get a chance to meet him one day, as he really is a super guy. His wife, your Great Grandmother, Alberta Mae Atherton, was also a super gal, and she passed away this week, which is why I wasn't able to be with your mom today, when your ultrasound pictures were taken.
Your mom asked the technician to check off the box of "Girl" or "Boy", and no one has opened the envelope yet.
It's an exciting time, because we know that the room we create for you will largely be determined by the box that was checked. Your Christmas presents, the Baby Shower, and all kinds of things will be determined by which box is checked. And we'll start imagining all sorts of things - what your interests might be, what toys you might want to play with, what movies you might like. Of course, if our current life is any indication of our future, you'll surprise us no matter what!
Your mom has a suspicion of what color your booties will be (and she's very perceptive, so I don't doubt her) but we'll know for sure in just a few days.
I'm sad that I couldn't be there with her today, but I'm glad that your cousin Casey was there for your mom. She's constantly been there for us when we've needed her help, and I hope it will work out so that you can grow up close to her and your cousin, Alex, Casey's older brother.
We buried my grandmother today, and I hope it is a long time before you have to experience someone that you deeply love having to leave the Earth. But death is a part of life, and one day, your mom and I will have to leave you, too. Which makes savoring the mysteries and moments of life, like this, all the more important.
I do not hope that you are one gender or another. I will love you unconditionally. I only hope that you are healthy, and that your mom and I can help you grow into a happy person who is full of life, hopes, and dreams.
Good night, kiddo. I can't wait for Tuesday!
I'm in Kentucky right now, visiting your Great Grandfather, Haynes Carroll Atherton. (He goes by Carroll.) I hope that you'll get a chance to meet him one day, as he really is a super guy. His wife, your Great Grandmother, Alberta Mae Atherton, was also a super gal, and she passed away this week, which is why I wasn't able to be with your mom today, when your ultrasound pictures were taken.
Your mom asked the technician to check off the box of "Girl" or "Boy", and no one has opened the envelope yet.
It's an exciting time, because we know that the room we create for you will largely be determined by the box that was checked. Your Christmas presents, the Baby Shower, and all kinds of things will be determined by which box is checked. And we'll start imagining all sorts of things - what your interests might be, what toys you might want to play with, what movies you might like. Of course, if our current life is any indication of our future, you'll surprise us no matter what!
Your mom has a suspicion of what color your booties will be (and she's very perceptive, so I don't doubt her) but we'll know for sure in just a few days.
I'm sad that I couldn't be there with her today, but I'm glad that your cousin Casey was there for your mom. She's constantly been there for us when we've needed her help, and I hope it will work out so that you can grow up close to her and your cousin, Alex, Casey's older brother.
We buried my grandmother today, and I hope it is a long time before you have to experience someone that you deeply love having to leave the Earth. But death is a part of life, and one day, your mom and I will have to leave you, too. Which makes savoring the mysteries and moments of life, like this, all the more important.
I do not hope that you are one gender or another. I will love you unconditionally. I only hope that you are healthy, and that your mom and I can help you grow into a happy person who is full of life, hopes, and dreams.
Good night, kiddo. I can't wait for Tuesday!
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